Settling up, with a little bit of empathy

image via gigee marie

I’m beyond excited to share some very fantastic news — I’m getting married! Adrian proposed on V-Day and since then we secured a date, location, guest list, bride & groom’s parties and of course, the dress! Whew, and while it’s  been a crazy busy time for us, it’s also been just as busy for a friend of mine who’s making a career switch. And in the midst of her reorganizing and reconstructing her life she said something that got me thinking… She didn’t want to be like everyone else — who’s just settling down, getting cush in their jobs, getting married, buying houses and having kids.

My immediate thought — are you saying I’m settling down?

Secondary thought — since when is romance, making money/building wealth, buying houses, getting engaged and planning weddings settling down? I’d take everything that I am experiencing right now over struggling, switching jobs, restructuring a life, having no cash and lacking love any day! Thankfully, I kept these thoughts to myself because, well… the empathy sat in. I put myself in her shoes and flashed back to a part of my life where I was in a somewhat similar situation. I was in college, and struggling financially and romantically. I was motivated by fear and truly felt like an independent woman. I kept saying to myself: I’d rather struggle than have my family jump in and save me. I felt rich with the little bit of money I was making, and oddly got a rush when I had to sell my clothes, jewelry and sometimes computers to pay my rent, tuition and to fix my crappy car.

But when I look back, that was one of the best times of my life. I learned about who I was and who I wanted to be. I focused on keeping off debt, passing classes and planning how I wanted my life to roll out. I know it doesn’t seem all that easy for my friend who’s a little bitter and lost right now, but it gets better. The best part about your life is molding it to exactly how you want to live in it. And yes, it’s easy to lack empathy and word vomit that people are settling down, getting married and popping out babies, but is that really settling down? Sounds to me like it’s settling up — they molded their lives and now they’re living it. Let them live theirs and you go on and live yours. Oh yeah, and that day when you save up enough to buy a house – I’ll come over and celebrate with you and listen to how fab your settled up life really is ; )